Lebih Rendah Dibandingkan Kupu-kupu Malam

Oleh Wa Ode Zainab Zilullah Toresano

Di negeri ini, perempuan yang belum menikah kala menginjak usia “kepala 2” dianggap begitu nista. Masyarakat menjuluki perempuan-perempuan tersebut dengan sebutan “perawan tua”. Begitu kejamnya masyarakat menghukumi perempuan yang belum memiliki pasangan, seolah derajatnya lebih rendah daripada kupu-kupu malam.

Apakah teman-teman pernah mengalami hal yang sama dengan pengalaman berikut ini? Ketika menghadiri pernikahan Fikriyah Rasyididan Kak Dhuha Hadiyansyah, salah satu sahabat kecilnya sangat sedih, di sela kebahagian yang menyeruak. Nur, gadis desa yang baik hati, keibuan, dan shalehah meluapkan kegundahan hatinya dengan jujur di hadapan kita. Ia menyatakan pada kami, “Kalo Mpik nikah, kan ngga ada lagi yang senasib sama Nur. Apa kata orang-orang nanti, Nur mah perawan tua sendirian.” Sontak saya, Nur Hayati Aida dan Fikriyah shock mendengar kesaksian Nur, salah satu prototipe gadis desa yang belum menikah saat usianya melewati seperempat abad. Kami pun langsung menanggapi pernyataan Nur, “Ya ampun, masa sih sampe segitunya orang-orang kampung ini memperlakukan kamu? Tenang aja Nur, kan ada Aida dan Inab yang senasib sama kamu, hehe.”

Posisi saya yang hidup di kota besar mungkin lebih baik dibandingkan Nur. Meskipun, saya juga menerima pertanyaan dan pernyataan, “kapan kamu nikah?”, “kalo jadi cewek mah ga usah belajar tinggi-tinggi, nanti ga ada cowok yang mau”, “jadi cewek jangan terlalu memilih, nanti kena hukum karma”, dan lainnya. Namun, yang dialami Nur jauh lebih menyakitkan.

Masyarakat desa acap kali mencibir Nur. Bahkan, teman-temannya sendiri menyatakan pernyataan ini ke Nur, “saya mah amit-amit jabang bayi ga laku-laku, mendingan mah nikah 3x, tapi kan ada yg mau”, “saya mah ga mau malu-maluin orang tua apabila jadi perawan tua”, dan sindiran lainnya yang begitu menyayat hatinya. “Nur mah di sini ga sanggup dengar omongan orang-orang, kayaknya Nur hina banget di mata mereka, padahal kan Nur anak baik2,” ujarnya dengan mata berkaca-kaca.

Manusia memang makhluk sosial, tapi ga sampe “sok sial” keless. Memang ada baiknya peduli terhadap kehidupan orang lain, tapi lebih baik tidak menyakiti sesama saudara. Daripada menggunjing tak jelas juntrunganya, lebih baik diam. Hukum sosial memang lebih kejam daripada hukum perdata atau pidana, lebih menusuk dibandingkan pedang. Ya, memang lidah tak bertulang, tapi hantamannya lebih menghujam daripada sebilah pisau.

Saya memiliki teman dari Singapura yang heran dengan pertanyaan privasi yang acap kali dilontarkan masyarakat Indonesia, salah satunya seputar pernikahan. “Aliyyah Adam, kapan kamu nikah, kan udah kepala 2?”, pertanyaan ini membuat dirinya merasa risih. “Saya ga pernah terpikir pertanyaan ini karena di Singapura, kami tidak pernah menanyakan hal ini kepada orang-orang,” ujarnya. Hal yang sama diceritakan oleh Tante saya yang tinggal di salah satu negara Eropa Barat. “Di sini, orang-orang tidak pernah menanyakan mengapa belum menikah atau kapan kamu menikah; di negara-negara Eropa, laki-laki dan perempuan sama-sama tak memiliki batasan usia paripurna untuk menikah dalam hukum sosial (di mata masyarakat),” papar tante Meis.

Apakah masyarakat peduli terhadap rasionalisasi perempuan yang memutuskan tidak menikah pada usia matang tersebut? Bila merujuk pada Nur, ia mengungkapkan alasan mengapa belum menikah kepada kami, “Nur mah bukannya ga mau menikah, tapi saya mau milih laki-laki yang baik sebagai suami dan ayah bagi anak-anak Nur; di desa mah banyak laki-laki yang kabur, ga tanggung jawab sama anak istrinya. Akhirnya, anak-anak mereka diurus oleh nenek dan kakek karena mayoritas perempuan desa tidak memiliki kemandirian ekonomi. Makanya Nur ga mau ngalamin begitu.”

Menurut penulis, “menikah, belum menikah, atau tidak menikah” adalah persilangan antara “takdir Tuhan dan kehendak bebas”. Jadi, kawan-kawan alangkah bijaknya bila kita sama-sama menghargai hidup orang lain  Daripada menggunjing dan menghakimi hidup orang lain, lebih baik kita berdoa semoga perempuan-perempuan yang usianya “melebihi ambang batas” bisa diberikan jalan terbaik oleh-Nya; ya kalo bisa mencarikan jodoh untuknya bila para perempuan itu berkenan untuk menikah, hehe

Mari sama2 kita intropeksi, sudahkah kita bijak dalam menilai orang lain? Terlebih lagi, sudahkah kita adil dalam memperlakukan perempuan? PEREMPUAN? Menikah, belum menikah, tidak menikah, atau menjanda sekali pun itu hak perempuan yg bersangkutan keless… pizzz.

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